i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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