Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
