I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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