why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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