whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
