i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't deserve a penis
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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