His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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