After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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