dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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