Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
