Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
