i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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