I just pynch a tree in the face
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
