I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
false alarm, still single
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
