there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
