roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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