what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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