there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
