Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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