Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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