so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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