Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
