Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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