I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
