his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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