Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
