I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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