I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
