Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
