that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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