she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
