I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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