I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize