then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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