I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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