just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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