There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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