Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
