I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
