made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize