i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
