I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize