I'm going to jail i love you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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