The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
