I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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