Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
