we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
