Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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