just come out here and I will go home with you...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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