i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
