More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
