SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've blown a few things in my day
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
