remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
