I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
