i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
