he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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