we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
