She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
