you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
