Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
