Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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