So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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