Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
