I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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