OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
