walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
