Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
