im drinking this country out of the recession.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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