my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
