grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize