You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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